The physical pain is gone altered by back pain because of slouching. At first my milk was insufficient but eventually it started to flow by the second week. It was painful at the third day but became bearable after the first two weeks. I was excited when I easily filled one small bottle for I know that nanay will not insists on formula anymore. I can also sleep a little longer because Henry and nanay can substitute for me.
Feelings during the first few weeks
I may have suffered post partum depression because I was crying sporadically for a week. I will suddenly feel guilty because I was not able to be 100 percent aware of what I’m doing with Julia especially during the first few nights. I have this feeling of inadequacy that I’m not a good mother. I see nanay with Julia and mothering is something that’s natural with her. There was a time when I was thinking how fast time was and how I was pregnant last week then I have a baby to take care now. I suddenly felt dizzy and I can not breathe.
I asked the doctor about it. She said that this feeling depends on the personality of the mother. Usually people who suffer post partum depression have been depressed in the past. She also said I should not compare myself with others because we have our own degree of mothering. Feelings of inadequacy are normal for first time mothers. There are times when I do feel depressed in the past but this time I really do not care if people see me cry. I think it’s perfectly natural to feel different because I do have a different life now.