Every parent want what is best for their children and I am no exception. We constantly think of ways how to help them become the best they can be. I know that thoughts such as these may do more harm than good when we push what we want rather than let them be. We want to live vicariously through our children. With our experiences we like to get in the way so that they will not make wrong decisions.
There are times I think too highly of Julia’s skills. I compare her to other kids secretly telling myself she’s cuter or smarter. In reality, I am trying my best to curb my enthusiasm and limit my praise when she becomes all cute when she smiles or shows off her knowledge in identifying objects or displays her talents. But at the same time I do not want her to think that I do not find her achievements exemplary. So when we are at home, I praise her unrelentlessly, I kiss and hug her like there is no tomorrow.
Aside from comparing her, I do compare myself with other mothers. I constantly have inner battles regarding what I do and what we buy for her. I find myself checking and re-checking everything. And even if I over-analyze things I still make mistakes! I can’t seem to get it right. These worries are added on top of other unfinished items on my head–Julia’s baby book, my academic life, my career path… I know how to solve my problems but I am just lazy to act on it. I am afraid to say I envy others who have a better grip of themselves that they can do what they want and excel at it. I know, I know, I need to grow up.