I miss my first born..

I miss you ate Iya. I miss the time when it was just the two of us and all my attention is just for you.  I miss our conversations and day outs. 

Lately all I have been doing is scolding you to not wake the baby.  And I know that you can see me answering to his every cry.  Even if I tell you to not get jealous, it is completely fair to feel that way.  If you try to get my attention, I still have to assess if the situation warrants my presence or if somebody else can take my place.  The little one consumes all my time. 

I’m sorry Iya.

I do want to be with you, to hug you and kiss you like before.  Please forgive me for not being able to be everything once more for you. Now that I am back to work, my time is once more divided into not being with the both of you. I wonder if Jansen will love his lola and yaya more than me. I know I had those thoughts when I went back to work with you.  I know I have a special space in your heart that nobody can fill and I hope Jansen realizes that too.

and yes, Nanay gets insecure sometimes.


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