I was browsing through my drafts folder and saw what I wrote probably around 2014. I wonder why I didn’t post? Interesting though..
I had a dinner with my friend who was also a working mom. I was talking about what I was up to the last few months and how I was right now. Then she asked me if I still have time for Julia because she feels she doesn’t and that she sometimes feels guilty about it. I was a little bothered by that question.
That kind of made me reassess my life in a flashback. All those nights with my face burried in books or in the computer and my retreat to making my little projects. And these times Julia’s with Henry and watching TV. Should I really feel guilty?
I never felt I should until she brought it up. I always thought that as individuals we each have our own life and having a child does not necessarily mean that that should be the sole purpose of mine. As a person we have roles to fulfill, may we be single or married or a parent. It does not necessarily mean I should give up on what I want to do and spend every last second thinking I should be a hovering presence in my child’s life. It does not necessarily mean that I do not like to spend time with Julia because I do. I just don’t want to work and study and do all sort of activities important to me as a person and get questioned if I should instead be at home taking care of her.
I think we should not feel guilty at all and we should not make other mothers feel guilty as well. We should take comfort that no single moment can screw our children forever. We just have to believe that as parents we are doing the best we can for our children given the circumstances. I also believe that we should also continue to learn about the modern issues faced by families today to allow me to act and prepare for it. I learn parenting by reading articles and books, through my own childhood experiences, knowing about respect, and above all practicing moderation. I don’t know if this is the right formula but I know I love my kid and that’s enough motivation to try and do things appropriately.