Ramit’s Advice on the Work from Home Situation

This is a short exercise after work today.  I browsed through my social media page and saw Ramit Sethi’s live broadcast about his schedule today. This is very timely since we are in a state of health emergency and community quarantine.  This is difficult for all of us and even if I would wish that this be over, we all know that this might take a while. So here are the key points and my thoughts:

Schedule. I have been working an 8-5 job my whole life.  This is the first time that I experienced a work from home situation.  Although today is not a good basis because I was still lost, I would like to note that in a state of panic, you have to address the immediate need first before having the right mindset to work.  Today, I woke up early to do some grocery shopping for my family and I was in zombie mode for the duration of the morning.  It was very clear from this morning that there is a “panic buying” problem in our city and we need to act fast and determine what we need.  When the food requirement was answered, I finally had the chance to think and organize my thoughts as to how I can check the output of the office.

For tomorrow I plan to program my day to maximize the work, self-care, and family care that I need to keep me sane.  I plan to go to wake up at 7am and go to work at 9am.  I will have to keep my work up to 430pm to attend to other parts of my life.

Focus on what you can do.  What I can do is mostly basic communication through email, chat, messaging, and calls.  After providing the groundwork for the office to establish our reports and bring order to the chaos that this crisis has brought, I can now ask my staff to upload data for monitoring.  I can start looking at documents and drawings for approval based on their submissions by tomorrow.  For other things like exercising and entertainment, I can clean the house, watch shows, read a book, and learn a new routine.

My children are in vacation mode as well and very busy with their legos and television that I think I need to step in and schedule their day.  I also need to let them eat healthy because the food that is readily available is not that nutritious.  Starting tomorrow, I need to prepare healthy snacks for them to eat.

Busy with Legos

Learn a routine. What I really miss is doing watercolor.  I would really enjoy it if I can at least develop my skill and be creative by producing even a small artwork a day.  Although I need to assign a time where I can insert this routine into my life, maybe I can carve an hour as a break.

Julia’s watercolor creations. 

Serve someone else. This is where I got stumped.  Some people do live streaming to teach something but I don’t know how I can serve someone else that way.  I guess I just have to tutor my daughter in her schoolwork every day, help clean the house and move around for a start.

I miss the outdoors.  Maybe I can now share my past adventures with Julia in my next post.

Bread and Breakfast

Being a mom has a million benefits (maybe even countless) but it also brought about increase in weight for me.  It was during pregnancy and after giving birth that I have  discovered how glorious food was! Also, breastfeeding made me eat like a horse. It was not long before I noticed the pounds that I added was difficult to take off.

My weight history is this — Before getting married: 106 lbs., 2 years after giving birth to Julia: 116 lbs to 120 lbs., 2 years after giving birth to Jansen: 128 lbs! This is now my new average.

I am alarmed.

…if I will not do something today, I will eventually find myself in the next few years increasing weight and struggling to lose it.  Especially since I do not eat properly and do not exercise.  My midsection is already large like I am about 5 months pregnant, my body is straight without any curves, and generally I feel bloated every day.

…if I will not lose weight, I will not fit in my previous clothes and will have to contend with my maternity clothes! I am still using a few pieces of loose clothing which I wore during the time I was pregnant.  It is disconcerting that these still fit! I also hate shopping because I honestly do not look good in most of them.  It was very frustrating to try them out and eventually not liking anything.  On the plus side, I saved a lot from shopping that I funnelled into food (so we’re back in the beginning).

…if I will not change my eating habits, it will be like I am continually breastfeeding without it’s benefits.  Breastfeeding is such a glorious thing! I can eat whatever I want and still not gain weight that much.  However, Jansen has been weaned already and all the calories that I eat is not being converted to milk.  Instead of maintaining or losing weight, I kept on adding to the scale.

So here’s the plan:

1. Diet and then Eat Healthy – Diet first, then to maintain the weight, I need to eat healthy.  There is a myriad of diets to choose from and I have not taken them really seriously.  I found an office mate who has lost a lot of weight because of keto and I asked him if I could order food from him.  He agreed! so Keto it is!  I have a timeline of two months to go back to my 116 lbs. weight then after that, I can go to a low carb diet to maintain the weight.  I am currently having a hard time looking for food that does not have sugar in it! It is such an eye opener to see how many sugar it is in the nutritional information.  And it is really expensive to buy sugar free products that’s why  I am now a stevia convert. I am saved by coffee americano with heavy cream with stevia packets that I carry in my bag.
2. Exercise – I enrolled in the gym because I also have an officemate who is a gym buff. So I just asked him and tagged along. It is a requirement to have someone who is more serious about this exercise business than myself because I would probably just slack off after a day. Currently I have 29% body fat. That’s a lot! So here’s hoping that the gym can make my flabby arms tighter and my tummy flatter.
3. Not give up – The total duration is in two months since Jansen is on vacation and not with me every day.  I have the luxury of after office time and I should make the most of it.

Keto bread with butter with the proteins

And even though people usually say things like “Beauty is skin deep” or “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, but! … “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels” – or should I say “as healthy feels”!

 

Teaching Equally

In my previous post, I said both my kids should learn how to survive without house help.  This is because I firmly believe that we should not deprive this domestic learning opportunity to boys even if it is normally designated to girls. Why shouldn’t we teach boys cooking when feeding oneself is the primary requirement to survive? Or why shouldn’t we teach boys to clean his surroundings ergo chores when this is part of basic hygiene.

Gender Pay Gap

I chanced upon this article this morning and yes it happened and it is a reality for me.  When I graduated, I had high hopes that I will be part of the whole employment pyramid and will rise above the corporate ladder.  I thought of being the head of my firm and will be the master of my time.  I never considered that I will have and raise a family.  I was idealistically independent.  However a series of events led me to believe that I was not fit to be employed in a private firm let alone handle one.  I felt more at home with academic work so I pursued my masters degree and worked full time (but still contractual) in government office. I eventually got married and had a kid.

Pre-birth Events

I am watching my little angel as I type this and currently on my breastfeeding break eating lactation chocolate chip treats (there really is such a thing). Christmas and New Year have come and gone and I hardly felt it.  The last half of the year 2015 has been filled with trials that tested our family and I was quietly grieving and never shared it.  

It started when we went to our Baguio vacation.  Immediately after that trip we found out that Julia has dengue and pneumonia at the same time.  We were lucky that she was discharged after a week and the dengue did not progress to something scary. 

After a few months, Julia’s yaya left and found myself without help during my second trimester.  And because I consider myself crazy, I took it as a challenge.  Besides what can I do? I do not want to leave work.  So I became a mother that can be further broken down into a cook, a school bus driver, a tutor, an assistant, a cleaning lady.  All these while working the eight to five job.  I can say it was successful because I was on top of Julia’s school work, we slept early, we still had time to practice the piano, we were on time, and we were eating home cooked meals that I like (they have no choice since I am the cook). Julia kept saying I should open my own restaurant haha!

By November we finally found a yaya for Julia.  I thought I can now focus on my pregnancy, nest, and relax.  But one day mommy (Henry’s mom) vomited persistently that my brother in law rushed her to the hospital.  It was really bad.  Her cancer recurred as a brain tumor. Henry was devastated and I could not help him because my emotions were all over the place.  One day I’m fine, sometimes I feel neglected, and most of the time I was crying.  When I saw her in the hospital, I couldn’t help but bawl (as in!) and went outside because I can’t let my father in law see me like that.  I was crying when I had a checkup with my obgyne and they said I should relax because of my blood pressure.  We took her home after a week because the doctors said they could not do anything anymore.  She died three days later.  It was that fast. So there we were, doing all the preparations for the wake and the funeral.  I was clueless as to what I can do.  Luckily Julia was there as a relief to all these grieving by being the helpful kid that she is, was the one handing out the food for the guests.  It was a hard time for Henry’s family.  They are really worried about daddy because they do not know how he will express his loss.  My brother in law’s family was the one who was on top of things because I was really useless during this time.  I kept on telling my sister-in-law that I will try to make up next year.  

After the dust settled and we were sort of doing our routine at home,  Julia’s cough was still not easing up.  We went to the doctor for checkup.  She was given antibiotics and antihistamine for her cough and colds.  I was diligent with letting her take her medication that I was puzzled why after a week she suddenly had a fever.  I immediately rushed her to the doctor again for a checkup and she asked to do an x-ray and cbc with dengue test.  It turned out she has dengue and pneumonia again! We went back to the hospital for confinement.  I really hate to see her crying because of inserting the IV and her daily blood extractions.  I was with her the whole time while I was already in my third trimester and was due anytime.  After a week, she was discharged and was asked to rest.  This happened during the middle of December which was also the period of presentations and parties.  We never got to attend both our parties since I was absent for the rest of the month. 

After all the stress… I was still surprisingly pregnant! My estimated date, around December 20, has passed and I was still very pregnant and very bloated. My mother was pestering me about it because she wanted to go to the province but she felt she needed to be here to be with me.  I was stressed because she kept on asking me when will I give birth to the point of suggesting I should get it over and undergo a c-section.  I adamantly refused to do that because I felt that the healing time is longer than a normal birth which makes breastfeeding all the more difficult. To get her off my back, I pushed them to go and celebrate Christmas in the province.  

But why was I still pregnant? According to the ultrasound, the baby is big.  He was estimated to be 7 lbs and something oz. My doctor told me that there is an additional 5 oz to that estimate so the baby would probably weigh 8 lbs. The normal/ average Filipino baby is about 6 lbs. and 5 oz. thereby increasing my chance of a c-section. I was not prepared by this news — physically and financially.  The doctor was waiting for my cervix to ripen before inducing labor because she wanted to try and make a normal delivery first. I was given a week more and said she will induce by December 28.  All I needed to do was wait.  

Being pregnant the second time was very different from my first.  I can definitely say I was worried how these chain of events will affect my baby. I was irritable, depressed, alone, ugly, crazy, but at the same time unable to express all these.  I had to act tough, forgiving, giving, but of course there are times that I can’t contain my thoughts and say things out loud.  That’s all they see.  They don’t know how hard it was to appear ok when obviously I am not.  I was not able to prepare for this baby as much as I did when I was with Julia. That’s why I kept my mouth and posts shut about what’s happening in my life. I was just honestly trying to get through one day at a time and was constantly praying for both of us to be safe.  

Trip to the Dentist

I always have problems with Iya’s teeth.  It started when she had stains on her teeth because of breastfeeding and/or drinking iron supplement.  Nursing normally puts her to sleep without drinking water to wash away the milk.  As a result, she started going to the dentist when she was a year old and regularly goes every six months or earlier to have her teeth checked.  Last weekend she had one of her teeth filled.  She looked so relaxed with her legs crossed which was so unlike me.  I am always a bundle of nerves when I’m the one in the chair!  It also helps that her dentist is always careful and can keep her still for a few minutes. 

Getting sick

I know that getting sick is really part of growing up.  I am nonchalant about it because I know that it’s just something that happens and will go away after a few days.  I am somewhat of an expert when it comes to indifference.  Iya has always been a physically sensitive girl.  This was one of the reasons why I insisted on breastfeeding because she gets rashes with formula.  She always gets allergies whenever she ate something or touches something or breathe something.  Then she gets confined in the hospital almost every year so it’s something I am almost used to.  It was just last week when I got a little scared just right after she became well in the doctor’s clinic.

Last March, we admitted her one Saturday because her fever (39.8 deg. C) was not going down even when she’s taking antibiotics and Tempra every four hours.  They admitted her in the ER and did the tests.  Her dengue NS1 was negative so I was not really worried.  But even after admitting and giving her antibiotics, her fever was still high.  It took about 6 days of fever before they confirmed it to be dengue and she had regular CBCs every day.  It was torture to see them prick her finger every morning but you know that they need to do it.  We got out on a Wednesday and went for a checkup that Saturday.  The doctor told me their stories about dengue and the four strains. She said that she even had a case where the patient got better and was released from the ICU but had complications resulting to failure of the organs.  She said that the virus will go to the weakest organ such as the brain, kidneys, or lungs with lots of oxygen to survive.  So the cause of death will eventually be due to organ failure rather than the virus itself.  

I was palpitating so much and I felt guilty over my indifference. I swear.

Breaking the Silence

It was over before I was able to begin.

As I was running towards the ER with blood gushing from my legs, I was reminded of an old movie scene where the woman was sprawled on the bathroom floor crying and screaming on her pool of blood. I guess it was alarming for those inside the waiting room but as usual I was ever the indifferent sort and just blurted out “miscarriage”. Even the admitting nurse was more concerned than I was when he let out an “oh shit” remark.

I was directed to the OB/GYN section to dispel everything then bleed some more. I also saw the little baby about an inch and a half long with the head and the beady eyes. It was as if a dream but the pain kept it oh so real. I endured it because I thought I would be free from the D&C procedure but I was wrong when the result of the ultrasound came up. If I only knew this, I would not have suffered through the expectant management process in the first place! Well, according to my mother I was very pale probably because of the loss of blood and the pain and I have this uncontrollable shaking the whole time. 

Prior to all this drama, I already knew that there was something wrong the day before.  That Saturday (August 11), I had this tiny light brown spot so I immediately went to visit the doctor.  She advised for an ultrasound that I did that afternoon. The technician/nurse that was performing the ultrasound was a little bit edgy when I asked if there was a heartbeat.  She even asked for assistance from her supervisor so that time I knew that the baby was gone. At that point I was trying to determine what I am feeling.  I was sad but it was not something earth shattering.  Am I really that unemotional?  After I called the result to my doctor she said to come back to the clinic on Monday which was after two days.

Sunday morning came and the bleeding started.  I asked if I should go to the hospital or wait for tomorrow and she said if the bleeding amounts to more that the regular period I should go to the hospital.  We decided to watch the Cirque du Soleil Saltimbanco at 5pm to let Iya experience a real circus.  As a contingency measure, I packed my overnight bag because at the back of my mind I knew that I would probably spend the night in the hospital.  And I was right.  While we were walking to the parking lot, I felt a sudden gush of blood and I knew that I only have a few minutes.  On our way to the hospital the intermittent pain was familiar so I was really pestering Henry to drive faster.  It was so frustrating that we even got lost in Manila! It was really sheer luck that we came just before I made a mess inside the car.  We really should map out our route next time…

So here I am three weeks after.  Looking back, I now know why I did not announce the good news aside from my family and friends who sincerely ask how I was.  It was to save myself from telling them the bad news that will continually remind me of what I lost.

posted from Bloggeroid

Post pregnancy issues

Breastfeeding

The physical pain is gone altered by back pain because of slouching. At first my milk was insufficient but eventually it started to flow by the second week. It was painful at the third day but became bearable after the first two weeks. I was excited when I easily filled one small bottle for I know that nanay will not insists on formula anymore. I can also sleep a little longer because Henry and nanay can substitute for me.

Feelings during the first few weeks

I may have suffered post partum depression because I was crying sporadically for a week. I will suddenly feel guilty because I was not able to be 100 percent aware of what I’m doing with Julia especially during the first few nights. I have this feeling of inadequacy that I’m not a good mother. I see nanay with Julia and mothering is something that’s natural with her. There was a time when I was thinking how fast time was and how I was pregnant last week then I have a baby to take care now. I suddenly felt dizzy and I can not breathe.

I asked the doctor about it. She said that this feeling depends on the personality of the mother. Usually people who suffer post partum depression have been depressed in the past. She also said I should not compare myself with others because we have our own degree of mothering. Feelings of inadequacy are normal for first time mothers. There are times when I do feel depressed in the past but this time I really do not care if people see me cry. I think it’s perfectly natural to feel different because I do have a different life now.